Never mind

Never mind. The fiscal-financial-economic-credit emergency is not over. I guess lots of representatives heard from the constituents. They voted the deal down. Amazing!!! Unfortunately, the bailout is still necessary whether we like it or not. Even Warren Buffett said so. Not that he knows anything, but still, he's older than we are.

Horse sense

Okay, the credit emergency seems to be over. Lots of people never saw it as a real emergency since the stock market seemed to be doing fine inspite of the delay in securing the 700 billion dollar injection of funds but there you have it. Did Wall Street learn anything? Doubtful. Will the rest of the world keep blindly investing in the U.S. economy? Doubtful. We need an injection of plain old horse sense. That's what we need.

Told You So

Now comes Mr Sarkozy, President of France, at the U.N., saying in no uncertain terms that something must be done to stabilize the credit markets - meaning that the U.S. must act. He must have been speaking for a lot of other countries. I told you so. The pressure is coming from Europe and China. Then there was a call to expand the U. N.'s Security Council, meaning that the power of the U.S. in that body - if the suggestion is taken seriously - will be diluted. The new Council will probably include Germany, Spain, Japan, and Italy as permanent members. They saw an opening and they took it. They fear that a mismanaged U.S. economy will bring down the entire world financial system. In other developments, Warren Buffett bought a few shares ($5 billion) of Goldman Sachs stock. I was going to buy some myself but I ran out of money last week. Wall Street is not doing well, but it's not doing as badly as they would have us believe. Also, the FBI is investigating several banks over possible criminal activity.

Timid Reporter and Warren Buffett

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Warren Buffett?
WB: What would happen if I said “no?”
TR: I would politely remind you that you are.
WB: You wouldn’t doubt my sanity?
TR: No sir, I wouldn’t.
WB: Why do you call me “sir” if you’re older than I?
TR: You heard.
WB: Yes – the word’s getting around. Bill told me you said you were born in 1777.
TR: It’s true.
WB: Can you prove it?
TR: Most certainly I can.
WB: Where were you born?
TR: In Florence – July 7, 1777.
WB: You’re Italian?
TR: Not at all - just like you’re not actually English, I’m not Italian. I’m half Austrian and half Gypsy, or the other way around.
WB: You’re right. I have no ancestors in England, but I can trace my lineage all the way back to the Norsemen.
TR: My grandfather still tells me stories about the mighty Roman Empire.
WB: Is he still alive?
TR: Yes. I’m getting thirsty.
WB: I hope you brought change. I have a Coke vending machine in the den.
TR: Never mind.
WB: You say you can document everything about your old age and background?
TR: I’m timid, but I do not lie.
WB: Well, I’m somewhat at a loss. You may be telling me what you think is the truth, but you might also be insane - just like so many economists I know.
TR: Yes sir, but I didn’t come all the way to Omaha to talk about me.
WB: This magic potion you claim to have – it could make you the richest person on the planet.
TR: Richer than you?
WB: Yes.
TR: It’s not what you think.
WB: Let me have a shot at this secret, whatever it is. You can have 51% of the partnership without lifting a finger.
TR: This formula slows down your metabolism so that you age at only 3% the rate as everyone else.
WB: How has it been kept secret so long?
TR: It also induces you to keep your mouth shut.
WB: So how many people know about it?
TR: Seven.
WB: I don’t believe a word of this. You’re a shyster and a fraud.
TR: I’m not selling anything.
WB: You’re a con artist trying to set me up.
TR: I’m not a consultant and I don’t sell gold. You started this.
WB: I don’t even play Bridge with Jimmy Cayne because….
TR: He cheats?
WB: I didn’t say that.
TR: His butler told me.
WB: This just doesn’t square. If you’re so old, how come you’re not wealthy? How come you’re still timid?
TR: I have known people who have been born poor and died poor. I have known people who never learned to read or write in a lifetime. Time does not necessarily equal progress. It’s not given to every man to write a symphony or to invent a light bulb. Besides, why do you scold me if I have yet another two thousand years to make a little money? I might even get over my timidity. If you wait long enough….
WB: You’re not as timid as you appear.
TR: I have observed several generations over the span of more than two hundred years and have concluded that life is about eating and drinking and not much else.
WB: Then I have been fortunate. Not everything has gone smoothly, but I’ve learned to adjust to reverses that have come along from time to time. I’m a happy man.
TR: How is it that the richest man on earth can also be relatively modest?
WB: I have everything I need. I even have a private jet.
TR: Do you have any poor friends?
WB: I can’t say that I do. What good would that do me?
TR: You are a great philanthropist but you don’t personally know any of your beneficiaries?
WB: It’s best not to know. Bill gives me charts with numbers – that’s all I need to be aware of.
TR: Wouldn’t it be satisfying to actually see a person whose life changed because of your philanthropy? They wouldn’t need to know who you are.
WB: Do you know such a person?
TR: No.
WB: Could you find one for me?
TR: I’m still very thirsty.
WB: Here, I’ll lend you the seventy five cents for my vending machine.
TR: No, thanks.
WB: It’s time for my nap.
TR: …just one more question.
WB: Yes.
TR: Why did your wife Susan leave?
WB: What can I tell you? She wanted to sing.
TR: Thank you, sir.

The future

Well, now it looks like the President must explain himself to a group of world leaders in New York. The papers are saying that the U.S. economy and the rest of the world are inextricably linked and they are right. Now, as a result of this greedy financial fiasco, you can bet that the rest of the world will be very cautious about linking up with the U.S. economy from now on. The U.S. is now beholden to all those foreign governments and big foreign investors for buying so much of the debt guarantees (in the form of bonds). What would happen if the U.S. defaulted? It is not unthinkable. A few months ago, who would have predicted that the country would be left with no large investment banks to speak of? Next up for your tax money? The auto manufacturers. Keep this in mind, the government is not bailing out the economy - it's bailing out the big Wall Street firms which lost billions. Wall Street is holding the economy hostage by saying that it is no longer credit worthy and no bank will lend it a dime so that their enterprises can keep going. Who knew thay had zero liquidity? Of course, a seizing up of the most important credit markets will cause the economy to sputter in a very big way. What a way to do business. The economy will survive this turmoil but the rest of the world will now ponder this sad and risky scenario very seriously and begin to stay clear of the U.S.

Body piercing and tattoos

Tattoos are not my thing. Why would anybody want to put permanent paint on their body? I'm sure there must be a good reason - I just can't see one. Body paint as temporary adornment? Perhaps. I'm undecided about piercings or body jewelry. I think I would be scared to do one - too dangerous. What if it catches somewhere and tears your skin off? I don't even wear a watch. Maybe if someone gave me a Rolex, I might wear it to show off.

Timid Reporter interviews Jimmy Cayne

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Jimmy Cayne?
JC: Who are you?
TR: I’m the Timid Reporter. I have an appointment.
JC: Since when? Nobody told me anything about it. Are you with the media?
TR: Yes, sir, the Coffee Club Newsletter.
JC: What is that, a financial paper of some sort?
TR: No sir, it’s the company in-house newsletter for coffee drinkers and subscribers.
JC: That doesn’t tell me a thing little man. How many readers do you have?
TR: Eight.
JC: This must be some sort of joke. Get out - I have a very important bridge game to play in an hour.
TR: But, don’t you care what happens to your company?
JC: What company? I have all my money in European stocks.
TR: Bear Stearns.
JC: Oh, that company. I’m no longer in charge. Go talk to Alan.
TR: Alan who?
JC: Alan Schwartz. Don’t you know anything?
TR: Yes, of course. Mr. Schwartz. I tried talking to him yesterday but he sent me to you.
JC: I don’t have any time for this. I have nothing more to do with Stearns. Leave now or I’ll have to call security.
TR: I’m not leaving – the butler told me how you win at bridge.
JC: Ok, sit over there. I’ll give you ten minutes.
TR: I just need five. I don’t have enough questions for ten. I do want a couple of beers please.
JC: Sure, I’ll have James bring them. Push that red button on your chair to summon him.
TR: Ok.
JC: Now, back to your questions.
TR: My readers would like to know how it is that while the company is losing so much money, there’s always enough to pay all the directors huge salaries.
JC: That’s not hard to answer. Do you know anything about hedge funds?
TR: No.
JC: Good. How about short-term un-liquid periodic indexed debenture funds?
TR: No.
JC: Good. We call those STUPID funds, for short, by the way.
TR: I’m with you.
JC: Well, in the banking business, we’re constantly playing one set of funds against another. It’s sort of like betting the red and the black at the same time.
TR: I don’t understand.
JC: Don’t you ever gamble?
TR: No.
JC: No wonder. Let me try to explain. The reason we get paid so much money is that we are the only ones in the world who can handle the ultra complex processes of money management. I have barely scratched the surface and you are already at a loss.
TR: In more ways than one.
JC: Well, on top of that, there’s thousands of funds and hundreds of types of funds. On top of that, the game is on a global scale.
TR: So, it’s a lot of work?
JC: You have no idea, my friend. Do you ever invest?
TR: I have a savings account.
JC: You need more than that. If I had time, I would share a good tip with you.
TR: I’ll talk to the butler again if you don’t tell me. I want to make some money.
JC: Ok, ok, but you can’t print any of it.
TR: I won’t.
JC: Look up Mr. Octavian Shin in the Paris phone book. He is listed.
TR: Then what?
JC: Tell him client number 13 sent you. He will then give you the code for a Russian energy stock that pays 790%, guaranteed. You’ll be a millionaire in no time, especially the way oil has been going up lately.
TR: How much should I put in?
JC: Ten thousand to start.
TR: I only have two hundred.
JC: Well, I can’t help you there.
TR: You can lend me the difference.
JC: I don’t make personal loans. Talk to Alan - he’s the risk taker.
TR: You’re the one who cheats at bridge.
JC: Ok, ok. I’ll write you a check.
TR: The check won’t bounce?
JC: It’s not a Bear Stearns check.
TR: I am grateful to you, Mr. Cayne.
JC: Remember, you just have to know where to park your money.
TR: I think I learned a lot today.
JC: Please give my kind regards to your eight readers. Have a nice day, sir. James will show you out.
TR: Thank you.

Profits and Socialism

In the past two weeks, Nouriel Roubini, economics professor at NYU, has been lashing out at the Bush administration on his blog. He calls the President, Treasury Secretary and Fed Chairman "comrades Bush, Paulson and Bernanke" and brands them as "laissez faire voodoo-economics zealots." He says the United States has turned into the "United Socialist State Republic of America," bringing "socialism for the rich, the well-connected and Wall Street" and making sure that "profits are privatized and losses are socialized." I hope all of us understand these words - they are so true. Is anyone listening?

Why concerts?

It has been said that modern concert halls are now like museums - nothing but relics from the past dwell there. The criticism is partly justified. I should know - I am one of the museum pieces on display. I don't exactly know how many symphony concerts I've played over the years but the number is easily in the hundreds. I have also played with many mariachi bands and the number of gigs there is probably in the thousands. Recording sessions also number in the hundreds. So, what makes me agree with the assessment of modern concert life? I think concerts over the years, and classical music, have been accorded a degree of seriousness which renders them inert. In the old days - going back to Bach and Vivaldi and Mozart - music served a social purpose. People didn't just sit and listen. Music was part of social or religious events. People talked, or walked or ate or worshipped while music was played. Opera performances were lively. There was audience interaction with the musicians and performers. We need to recapture that social aspect. Beethoven expected his audience to listen while he played. He was much too serious. Classical music became a philosophical exercise of sorts - put up on a pedestal. I say forget that!!! And if you insist on having concerts where people just sit quietly and listen, make them a lot shorter please, before we lose our audiences altogether. The sooner the better.

Guillotine time

As the market gets shakier and shakier, people wonder more and more what went wrong. All these smart people in charge of the entire economy - less than two dozen people was all it took to bring things to a fine mess - the credit market at a standstill. We now know that even the biggest businesses and the biggest banks were living from paycheck to paycheck. The aura and charisma of success was all just a veneer. I think the biggest and wealthiest American investors will soon start putting their money into Europe, China, and even Russia. How cool is that? As Sir Winston said, "Never have so few owed so much to so many." The Timid Reporter will post his interview of Jimmy Cayne here soon.

High Finance again

We can now all relax. Uncle Sam has decided to bail out whoever got into hot water with all the sub-prime lending done in the last five years. AIG, Bear Stearns, Merril Lynch, Fannie Mae, Washington Mutual - you name it. The government can do it because it can either print money or issue bonds. Unfortunately, most of the bonds will be bought by foreign governments, not U.S. citizens. That's the scary part. The stock market is up so the hemlines will be going up too. It's not all gloomy news. Now, real estate has to pick up again, but builders need financing, too. It's up to the banks now. Please.

Dresses

They say that being a man is easy because you have only one dress style and that's it. No need to change wardrobe every year. Perhaps you buy a new tie every now and then, but women, OMG. How do you choose? How do you choose? Don't look to me for help. I think a simply dressed woman is good enough. No need to wrap yourself in Gap, Versace, Prada, Tommy Hilfiger, Giorgio Armani, Calvin Klein, Yves St Laurent, Donna Karan, DKNY, Elie Tahari, Carolina Herrera, Ralph Lauren, or a hundred other chic dress makers. There's no law against it though, if you can afford it.

Nice diet foods

An article by someone who knows these things listed five foods which are supposed to help your diet along. They are, in no particular order: GREEN TEA, POMEGRANATES (full of anti-oxidants), ASPARAGUS (great digestive aid), PINE NUTS (appetite suppressant), and MILLET (or whole, non-processed grains). This person's good advice was to avoid white rice and pasta. He also suggested other healthy foods to eat on a regular basis: whole grains, chicken, fruit, and lentils. Good luck.

Never seen her

I was talking to a friend the other day about young ladies who like to rollerblade in their bikinis. She said she had never seen one, even though she spends a lot of time at the beach. Well, so where do these girls hang out? I have never seen one either. Do they just pose for publicity shots to make a fashion statement then vanish? It seems like it. If you see a real one, let me know. Also, see my blog post of September 8, 2008.

Perfume and cosmetics

Well, there's nothing wrong with looking and smelling nice. As a matter of fact, perfumes are motivators. Singers in choirs are not allowed to wear perfume for obvious reasons, but you can bet more than a dollar that they do when they're not performing. Why do perfumes smell differently on different people? I do not know, but I can guess it's got something to do with your body chemistry. I used to know a banker who only used one perfume - I don't remember which, but in my mind, she and her perfume were one and it was fabulous (and expensive). As for brands, I can't choose - Vera Wang, Gucci, Armani, Dior, Givenchy, Calvin Klein, Estee Lauder, Max Factor, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Tommy Hilfiger, Chanel. You be the judge.

Weight watching

I just found - quite by accident, as usual - an ad about dieting and weight loss. It purports to help you lose weight fast and at the same time, to not be a fad diet plan. It's called Wu-Yi tea. It claims that everyone is mad about it and that it really works. I had not heard of this tea before, but then, I had not looked for it since I don't think I need to lose weight. I just don't eat all that much - just enough to get by. The maker of the tea advises its clients to stay away from patches, fat blockers, magnet diet pills, bulk producers (such as guar gum, whatever that is), muscle stimulators, and acupuncture. The owner of the Wu-Yi tea company is one Kenneth Liu. He sells a weight loss system, not just the tea. If you have already tried this magic bullet and found it worked for you, please let me know. I am always so skeptical.

Aeroflot Flight 821

By now, you've heard of the crash of Aeroflot Flight 821 in Perm, Russia. The story I read said the plane didn't hit any homes when it crashed. We don't know exactly who was on board. Some years ago, a famous conductor was flying to Dallas from Mexico City in a small private plane. He was flying the plane himself. The plane developed some technical difficulty along the way and it crashed in some secluded area far from anything. He was traveling with his girlfriend. I suspected foul play. I suspect foul play here too. Who really knows why planes suddenly develop engine trouble just after they have been thoroughly checked? The scenario makes no sense. Of course, I could be way off in my suspicions too. Russian and Eastern European planes have a pretty bad safety record. Fly American Airlines, British Airways, Virgin Atlantic, or Southwest Airlines next time.

Dating

Ladies and gentlemen, what do I know about dating? Nothing. A friend once asked me why I was so popular with the ladies. I told him it was because the word had gotten around that I always paid. He always had a hard time finding women to date so he wanted to know where I found my dates. I told him the story of Billy the Kid. A sherriff once asked Billy the Kid why he robbed banks. Billy supposedly said, "because that's where the money's at." If you want to find a nice girl to date, go wherever nice girls hang out. It's not rocket science. Use a dating service if you must. Advertise. Go online. Use Eharmony or Match or Singlesnet or whatever you want. There are so many. Your life is made up of a lot of coincidences. If you sit in a comfortable chair in your house all day long, I guarantee that the chances for any coincidence - whether a happy one or a misfortune - will be nil. You must mingle and you must blend. Make contact. Create a rolodex. Then, you must enjoy your everday life. Stop pretending. Get the chip off your shoulder. Be real. Be yourself. Be content. Be sincere. Let go of any bad experiences in your past. Nothing is perfect. Nobody is perfect. Be grateful you're not dead.

Why use cosmetics

Cosmetics sell well - mostly to women. I think we have gotten used to seeing women wearing cosmetics, whether high-end, top of the line from Nordstrom, or just the affordable essentials from K-Mart. Tabloids will sometimes show pictures of movie stars wearing no cosmetics and we go into shock. I think we could easily get adjusted to seeing women without cosmetics but the industry will simply not allow that to happen - ever. What would happen to Avon, Mary Kay, L'Oreal, Estee Lauder, Chanel, Cover Girl, Bobbi Brown, Max Factor, Maybelline, Clinique, Lancome, Lisa Hoffman, and a hundred others? These are huge businesses. Don't even think about it. Though I (and the vast majority of men) can appreciate a woman either way, cosmetics are here to stay.

Sarah Palin's second interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 47 - September 12, 2008

After Charlie Gibson was done, the Timid Reporter stepped in to see if he could get an exclusive. He got his exclusive but only sort of. He was a little nervous at first (as you can tell) and was never fully at ease but at least he got some new stuff.

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is (of course) coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Governor Sarah Palin?
SP: Sarah Louise Heath Palin – yes.
TR: I’m the Timid Reporter.
SP: Yes, you look the part. You’re two minutes late.
TR: I took the bus to get here and the bus was late.
SP: No, no, no – no excuses, sir.
TR: Ok, sorry. Where can I sit?
SP: One of these two chairs....
TR: They look pretty worn.
SP: Well, I haven’t gotten around to ordering my new furniture. I really haven’t had time to even look at catalogues, you know. I’ve been staying up late studying.
TR: What?
SP: Studying....
TR: Studying what?
SP: What do you think? Everything.....
TR: Do you think you’re a lightweight, as they say?
SP: I was told there would be no personal questions.
TR: That’s not what I meant.
SP: You’re not from Alaska – you don’t speak plainly.
TR: I was born in Florence.
SP: Where’s that?
TR: Italy.
SP: Of course. They are one of our allies.
TR: Can I have a beer?
SP: Absolutely not. Why would you even want a beer?
TR: Because I’m thirsty?
SP: No, that won’t do. I think you need some coffee. That’s what I think.
TR: Ok, I understand. Can I ask you about Wasilla?
SP: Sure, that’s my hometown.
TR: Were you a really tough Mayor?
SP: Only the people who got fired think so. I did what I had to do, that’s all. I balanced the budget, I cut taxes, I almost did away with the museum....
TR: You don’t like art?
SP: Of course I do - we have moose heads hanging on our walls all over the house.
TR: Do you enjoy firing people?
SP: I think I have a right to work with people who will work with me.
TR: People who always agree with you?
SP: I wouldn’t say always, but a good 99% of the time would be nice.
TR: But you have a reputation for being aggressive and controlling.
SP: I have a feeling you have been coached by the Obama people.
TR: They called you Sarah Barracuda in high school, no?
SP: Yes, but I also won the Miss Congeniality title in the Miss Alaska Pageant.
TR: Ok. Why don’t you like endangered species?
SP: I like all species – endangered or not. I just don’t think there are as many endangered species as they say. Maybe the human race is the most endangered species of all.
TR: How about the beluga whale?
SP: We have plenty of those.
TR: Why are you a member of the NRA?
SP: All true Republicans are, except maybe Joe Lieberman.
TR: Can I print that?
SP: You’d better not.
TR: Ok, I won’t. Why was it that you never had a passport?
SP: It’s not a crime not to have one.
TR: ...but, if you want to travel overseas.
SP: It’s not a crime not to travel overseas.
TR: I see.
SP: Many of our early American statesmen never travelled.
TR: Those were simpler times.
SP: Of course those were simpler times, but they also saw the need to stay close to home, to take care of the peoples’ needs first. Ambassadors used to travel, but not Presidents and certainly not Vice Presidents.
TR: You have been criticized for not knowing any heads of state. Do you think you could deal with Hugo Chavez?
SP: I have a few ideas but I can’t discuss them with you. Mr. Chavez can be temperamental, but there’s a reason for it – a very obvious reason. The man needs a stable social life.
TR: How do you know?
SP: A mother just knows these things. Besides, the CIA gave me a full briefing on him this morning.
TR: Do you think Hillary resents you?
SP: Hillary who?
TR: Never mind. Are you concerned about global warming?
SP: There are two sides to that coin. Global warming can be bad but it can also be good.
TR: Yes?
SP: That’s all I’m going to say about it.
TR: Ok. Where do you stand on the war?
SP: I’m in favor of winning it.
TR: What do you think led you to where you are today?
SP: Term limits.
TR: Term limits?
SP: Certainly. If it hadn’t been for the term limits in Wasilla, I would have run again and again and again and today I would still be Mayor of Wasilla.
TR: Thank you so much Governor Palin.
SP: Thank you sir.

Target or Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart seems to be the store of choice for many. Not so much for me. I prefer Target. The reason is simple. Target is not as messy and not as cluttered and not as dirty as Wal-Mart. I'm not saying Wal-Mart is dirty or cluttered or messy. I'm saying it's just got a little bit more of that lived-in look and feel. Of course, one feels more at home at Wal-Mart. At Target, you probably feel like you should not disturb or handle the merchandise too much because the housekeeper might get mad at you. It's like going to a house where a friend has put everything in its place and you have to watch where you step and where you put your glass and all that. That makes one feel uncomfortable. However, the quality at Target is just a tad better, though the prices are higher.

Hurricane IKE

I have never experienced a hurricane or a tornado or a volcano eruption - only a small flood, two minor earthquakes, and one giant snowstorm. Nature, when it gets violent, has a way of scaring people. The energy unleashed is really of a huge magnitude. Just get out of the way if you can. It's for your own good. There's a difference between being brave and being foolhardy. I have a funny feeling Houston is about to be destroyed, though I hope not. Good luck.

Lehman Brothers

Lehman Brothers is a New York based financial services bank which is about to go out of business, like Bear Stearns and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac before it. That's what happens when you play fast and loose with money, just because you want to maximize profits (i.e., when you get greedy). Lehman had been around since 1850 and had been buffeted by bad turns of events - including bad management and the Great Depression - many times. It had survived by merging or striking deals with other firms - Goldman Sachs, E.F. Hutton, and American Express among others. Now this. It's up for sale if you're interested. I predict another Federal bailout. Who will bail out the Federals?

HUGO CHAVEZ

Hugo Chavez rarely grants interviews to the western press but he agreed to talk to our Timid Reporter.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you President Chavez?
HC: Of course. I’m Hugo Chavez!! Para que pregunta hombre? You may call me Hugo. Consider me your friend.
TR: I don’t know how to be informal with famous or powerful people. I would be more comfortable with President Chavez.
HC: I am President Chavez.
TR: That’s not what I meant.
HC: Explain yourself hombre. Don’t be afraid.
TR: I have trouble with that.
HC: Let me tell you a story. I used to stutter. Would you believe that?
TR: No.
HC: Well, just believe it. Kids used to make fun of me until the day I met this very nice girl who told me she would cure me of the problem. I was only fourteen and I knew nothing about girls so I just laughed at her. Do you hear me stuttering any more?
TR: No sir.
HC: Well, she cured me.
TR: How?
HC: Use your imagination hombre. By seven o’clock that afternoon I was free of my little problem. Needless to say, I have been grateful to her ever since. She is now my Assistant Secretary of Labor.
TR: You’re a very nice man.
HC: That’s what I keep trying to tell the world. Let me ask you a favor, I would prefer this interview be done in Spanish.
TR: I am not fluent…. My eight readers won’t understand a word.
HC: Don’t use excuses, just make the effort.
TR: Ok. Esta bien, Mr. Presidente.
HC: You see. You have lost your fear. I was just testing you.
TR: You made me believe.
HC: I’m a good poker player – the best in all of Venezuela.
TR: I can see why.
HC: I read your interview of Fidel.
TR: How did that happen? You’re not a member of the Coffee Club.
HC: I have sources all over my friend. Even Putin calls me for information. I’m like your IRS, FBI, CIA, ICE, NSC, NSA, DIA, and Army Corp. of Engineers combined.
TR: I have never interviewed them.
HC: You never will. They are too embarrassed by what happened to your beautiful New Orleans.
TR: You keep yourself informed of everything?
HC: Not only that, I am presently studying four languages. I have a special tutor – a beautiful Swedish woman who is fluent in fourteen languages.
TR: Which languages are you studying?
HC: German, Russian, French, and Chinese.
TR: No Swedish?
HC: I’m learning that informally, as we go along.
TR: I think I know what you mean.
HC: It doesn’t matter. It’s confidential and you can’t publish that.
TR: I won’t.
HC: The important thing is that I have come to realize that it’s very hard to understand a culture completely unless you speak the language. That’s the secret code, if you will.
TR: Is that why President Bush doesn’t understand you?
HC: No. He just has a problem understanding anything.
TR: He won’t like what you just said.
HC: Does he read your newsletter?
TR: I don’t think so.
HC: Well then, don’t worry. If he makes trouble for you, you can come live in Venezuela.
TR: Can I write for the newspapers here, Mr. President?
HC: You can do whatever you like. This is a free country.
TR: I would like to work for El Sistema.
HC: You have heard of it. Good. That’s one of our many success stories. We have placed thousands of children in these huge orchestras to learn music and art instead of violence. You don’t see them out in the streets demonstrating, do you? We are now studying the possibility of starting a Sistema for adults. The only trouble is they’re too lazy to practice.
TR: How do you know?
HC: Maestro Dudamel told me so.
TR: Where would you get so many instruments?
HC: That’s not a problem - mostly out of Germany, Russia, and Cuba. One of my cousins takes care of all the imports into Venezuela and the government pays for everything.
TR: Do you have a favorite in the upcoming elections in the U.S.?
HC: Right now, that’s too touchy a subject so I won’t answer that. Besides, I am not one to interfere in the internal affairs of other countries.
TR: Thank you, sir. You have been most gracious.
HC: Come back soon my friend. Vaya con Dios.

Healthy Foods

According to many nutritionists, these are the top ten must-have foods, in no particular order: TOMATOES, BLUEBERRIES, OLIVE OIL, GARLIC, RED GRAPES, SPINACH, WHOLE GRAINS, TUNA, NUTS, and TEA. I have no clue how many servings of each you should have or at what time of day you should eat them or anything else. I looked and looked but could not find beer (nor pizza) on the list. I would go easy on the NUTS, the OLIVE OIL, the GARLIC, and the WHOLE GRAINS. For further information, look at other websites - for serving portions and recipes and so forth.

Is it LOVE or is it Memorex?

If you know me at all, you know I like breaking things down to their lowest common denominator. So, to get to the point, people always want to know whether someone is really in love with them or not. Two things: If he is always generous with you and if he always forgives your errors, then the answer is yes. It is really that simple. Actually, generosity seems to be the key ingredient in love. When the person stops giving, it's over.

Hemlines and the Economy

They say hemlines are a barometer of the state of the economy - the better the economy, the higher the hemline. Evidently, that is no longer true, or someone forgot to tell this lady. The economy does not seem to be doing well, yet, hemlines are at an all-time high. Perhaps the opposite is now true? Who really knows? Common sense tells me that nobody really knows how the economy works. Predictions are useless - even when they come - I should say especially when they come - from the most knowledgeable economists. The other day, I was guessing that the Chinese and other countries had pressured the U.S. government to take over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and I was right. They were behind it. They sort of pulled the plug. I even heard someone say that if these two giant lenders had collapsed, the entire world economy would have come to a standstill. Maybe we're hanging by a thread (on a short hem) and don't know it?

911

911 - everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when they first heard about the attack on the Twin Towers - I know I do. I was shaving and the radio was set to NPR as it always is. The first announcement was something like "we have unconfirmed reports of a plane colliding with one of the Twin Towers in New York. We shall bring you updates on this story as we get them." Nothing more urgent than that. There were no more updates before I took off to work and, unfortunately, I didn't have the radio on while I drove thirty or so minutes to work. When I got to work, every office was empty except the one where the whole staff was watching the horrific news on TV. Just as I positioned myself around some people to get a better view of the screen, the first tower started to collapse. We could not believe our eyes. Shortly after the second tower collapsed, the Mayor issued an order for all of us to immediately vacate the building and go home. The freeway was crowded. I had the feeling of something resembling controlled panic. When I got home, I started getting phone calls from friends and family asking if I was ok.

GEVALIA

I just got a sample package of Gevalia Coffee in the mail - this is the third one in about two years. Along with the sample was included an offer of a free coffeemaker if I will subscribe to their service. I was turned down for this great offer twice before because I had already been a member many years ago - I dropped out after about eight months. This offer is evidently for first timers only. As far as I can tell, the offer does not say that but, if it does, it's in very, very fine print. Folgers is good coffee too. So is Hills Brothers. So is Starbucks. I won't send the Gevalia offer in because I know they'll catch it and I'll be left out again. With all the sophisticated databases around you would think my name could be found on their strike out list before they send the offer and not after. Oh well, I'll drink the sample anyway.

Very Short

Well, we've been very busy with a plumbing contractor and the City building inspectors so there was no time to write anything at all. Anyone who has ever dealt with construction companies knows that it is not a one day affair. I thought it would be. Maybe we'll finish tomorrow. The job initially involved one long outside gas line but grew to include more items than I can quickly mention - pressure relief valves and air intake registers and air vents and what have you.

Bikini rollerblader

Bikinis have been around a long time - since the fifties. Rollerblades are a more recent invention. In California, rollerblading in a bikini is popular among young women - the thing to do - it is the norm. After all, the climate is perfect for this sort of thing. In Florida too. Fashions change. The emphasis is on sports and maximum comfort. FIfty years ago, this girl would probably have been arrested for showing too much skin. If you see a skater like this one in your city or town, don't look surprised. She'll think you were born in 1935.

Bertha Canta

Bertha, lyric soprano, is in Spain right now - Bilbao Spain. She is both a singer and an actress. Her picture is to the left of you (as if you hadn’t already noticed). She sings both Zarzuela and Opera, just like Placido Domingo, her countryman. Bertha makes her home in Bilbao – about 220 miles north of Madrid and about fifty miles from the French border. Bilbao is the home of the famous Guggenheim Museum. She loves the seashore and studies voice diligently. Understandably, her favourite composers are Verdi, Puccini, and Mozart, but she loves the blues as well and has even composed a number of modern songs. Among her favourite singers are Luciano Pavarotti, Renee Fleming, and Maria Callas. She would like to very soon travel to Paris, Vienna, or New York to pursue her career. She has a very popular page on MySpace.
Bertha ahorita se encuentra en España, mas precisamente en Bilbao. Ella es cantante y actriz. Su foto esta a la izquierda de este blog. Ella canta zarzuela y opera, como lo hace su paisano, Placido Domingo. Bertha vive en Bilbao. Bilbao es donde se encuentra el famosísimo Museo Guggenheim. A ella le gusta la playa y estudia canto con mucho esmero. Por supuesto que sus compositores favoritos son Verdi, Puccini, y Mozart, aunque a ella también le gustan los “blues.” Entre sus cantantes favoritos están Raneé Fleming, Luciano Pavarotti y María Callas. Pronto le gustaría viajar a Viena, Paris, o Nueva York para desarrollar su carrera. Bertha tiene una pagina popular en MySpace.

Bilbao

Bilbao is a city in northern Spain, situated in Basque Country. It is best known as the city in which the Guggenheim Museum Bilbao is located, right on the Nervion river. The famous museum was designed by American architect Frank Gehry and opened in 1997. It has been called the greatest building of our time. It is made of limestone, titanium, and glass. The odd thing about the project is that it was finished on schedule and within budget.

La ciudad de Bilbao esta en la parte Norte de Espana, muy cerca al mar Atlantico. Es una ciudad conocida por su famoso museo, el Guggenheim de Bilbao, situado en el rio Nervion. El museo fue disenado por el arquitecto Frank Gehry y abrio sus puertas en el 1997. Se ha dicho que es el mejor edificio de nuestra epoca. Esta construido de piedra, titanio, y vidrio. Algo raro de este proyecto es que se termino a tiempo y dentro del presupuesto!!

List of Violinists part 2 L-Z

This is part two of the list of violinists I posted four days ago. As always, if I left someone out (I'm sure I did), please let me know.

Jaime Laredo, Simone Lamska, Rachel Lee, Shannon Lee, Timothy Lees, Cho-Liang Lin, Bing Liu, Malcolm Lowe, Sergiu Luca, Andrew Manze, Alexander Markov, Ralph Matson, Tymur Melnyk, Anne Akiko Meyers, Shlomo Mintz, Erica Morini, Victoria Mullova, Anne Sophie Mutter, David Nadien, Kurt Nikkanen, Gordan Nikolitch, Siegmund Nissel, Elmar Oliveira, Igor Oistrakh, Mark O'Connor, Raphael Oleg, Sergey Ostrovsky, Susie Park, Adela Pena, Elisa Pegreffi, Itzhak Perlman, Elizabeth Pitcairn, Rachel Podger, Alina Pogostkina, Anton Polezhayev, Hristo Popov, Andrej Power, William Preucil, Philip Quint, Julian Rachlin, Manuel Ramos, Jonathan Rees, Vadim Repin, Ruggiero Ricci, Aaron Rosand, David Rubinoff, Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg, Emanuel Salvador, Wolfgang Schneiderhan, Toscha Seidel, Gil Shaham, Oscar Shumsky, Joseph Silverstein, Alexander Sitkovetsky, Tamara Smirnova, Felix Slatkin, Denise Soriano, Vladimir Spivakov, Mark Steinberg, Simon Standage, Arnold Steinhardt, Malcolm Stewart, Lara St John, Joseph Suk, Joseph Swensen, Joseph Szigeti, Kyoko Takezawa, David Taylor, Christian Tetzlaff, Roman Totenberg, Eugene Ugorski, Adrian Varela, Maxim Vengerov, Reiko Watanabe, Eric Wyrick, Eugene Ysaye, Thomas Zehetmair, Wang Zhijiong, Frank Peter Zimmermann, Nicolaj Znaider, Pinchas Zukerman, Jaap van Zweden

Finance for adults

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - remember those names. Their collective name is now mud since a rumor began to spread earlier today about Federal regulators taking them over. That move will cost common shareholders and you and me dearly. Maybe not me. Maybe my kids. If the rumors are true, the Federal budget will have to support billions of dollars in bad loans which have up to now been backed by the two giant semi-public entities. This is what happens when one is careless with someone else's money. What are the choices? There aren't any. A collapse of either or both of these giant underwriters would cause panic and start an unstoppable cascade of shareholders bailing out - like a run on a bank. Credit would get super tight. If money is not kept moving, the entire economy will grind to a halt. Perhaps we're hanging by a thread but don't yet know it. I wonder if the Chinese were wanting to cash in their chips? Or the rich Arabian sheiks? The Federal action, otherwise, appears premature. Good luck to us all.

Fashion Industry

If you've been following the internet buzz about the outfit Cindy McCain was wearing on Thursday, you know that it cost around $300,000. She can afford it, of course, so that's no luxury for her. She is said to favor Oscar De La Renta, Michael Kors, Escada, and Carolina Herrera (not a relative of mine). In the sixties, Jacqueline Kennedy used to be very closely watched for her trendy fashion style. The new women in high politics - Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain, and Mrs Biden - will now, for the next two months at least, also be the focus of a lot of media attention for what they choose to wear. Perhaps also for what they choose not to wear. They will, simply by making these choices, create lots of jobs for people in the fashion industry - especially those who work for their favorite designers. That's something to think about.

Politics for kids

I posted something simple called Finance for Kids yesterday. Today, the topic is politics - for kids. One of my favorite things is to simplify every issue as much as possible - sort of like scientists trying to find one formula that will explain the universe. Einstein tried. He got close. They are still trying.

We have heard a lot about the character of political leaders during the last two weeks. Here is my formula for determining the character of any person - give them some cash (as much as you dare) in exchange for their word (just their word) to pay you back. They will either pay you every time, or at some point in time, just disappear and forget all about the debt. That's my best guess. Good luck.

Finance for kids

I cannot stress this enough - always live below your means. Whether you make $1000 or $100,000 a month, always spend less than you earn - if possible, a lot less. A word of advice to the young - take finance courses in high school and online. Save money - always save. If you don't, the person you borrow from will own you. Avoid impulse buying. I know that buying stuff makes one feel good. Find another way to feel good. Remember, every dollar you spend means you have just transferred your wealth into somebody else's pocket. You'll find that if you save for a rainy day, that rainy day will never come. Why? Because you'll be ready for it. That's my best guess.

List of violinists

List of violinists - here it is. One of the most comprehensive lists you will find. It is purely arbitrary, of course. If your favorite is not here, just let me know. A-K

Salvatore Accardo, Khachatur Almazian, Frank Almond, Adele Anthony, Matthieu Arama, Cecylia Arzewski, Felix Ayo, David Ballesteros, Alexander Barantschik, Rachel Barton, Monte Belknap, Joshua Bell, Margareta Benkova, Dmitry Berlinsky, Vera Beths, Fabio Biondi, Emanuel Borok, Norbert Brainin, Guy Braunstein, Iona Brown, Adolf Busch, James Buswell, Kolja Blacher, Alfredo Campoli, Serena Canin, Andres Cardenes, Giuliano Carmignola, Jonathan Carney, Corey Cerovsek, Martin Chalifour, Sarah Chang, Stephanie Chase, Robert Chen, Kyung Wha Chung, James Clark, Lucy van Dael, John Dalley, Carlos Damas, Ellen De Pasquale, Philippe Descamps, Lindsay Deutsch, Glenn Dicterow, Rafael Druian, Edward Dusinberre, Christiana Edinger, James Ehnes, Evgenia Epshtein, Vesko Eschkenazy, Hector Falcon, Isabelle Faust, Michael Fernandez, Christian Ferras, Julia Fischer, Jorja Fleezanis, Eugene Fodor, Pamela Frank, Erick Friedman, Angela Fuller, David Garrett, Theodora Geraets, Ivry Gitlis, Midori Gotoh, Vadim Gluzman, David Grimal, Ilya Gringolts, Arthur Grumiaux, Franco Gulli, Hilary Hahn, David Halen, Sidney Harth, Josef Hassid, Jonathan Hill, Daniel Hope, Lei Hou, Bin Huang, Vaclav Hudecek, Bronislaw Huberman, Monica Huggett, Alina Ibragimova, Pavel Ilyashov, Stefan Jackiw, Leila Josefowicz, Ilya Kaler, Michael Karlson, Ani Kavafian, Ida Kavafian, Leonidas Kavakos, Tamaki Kawakubo, Nigel Kennedy, David Kim, Rudolf Koelman, Sasha Korobkina, Henning Kraggerud, Gidon Kremer, Jan Kubelik, Rainer Kuehl, .... more to come....

White House Wedding

I would not presume to know, but do you think it just might be possible that Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, and her boyfriend might be contemplating a White House Wedding? Who really knows? Of course, the Republicans would first have to win the election. Perhaps this might win them the liberal youth vote, since most young people now believe that having a baby out of wedlock is no big deal. It might even be considered chic. Who really knows? Senator McCain must be getting deeply thought out advice at this very moment. Of course, many candidates have faced very difficult personal circumstances before, going all the way back to Jefferson, Jackson, Lincoln, and Kennedy. We should never be smug about such things.

Dieta

Bueno, vamos a ver si es complicado esto de las dietas. Yo no creo en ningun plan de dieta comercial. Ni en libros de consejos muy complicados tampoco. Eso es para esprimir dinero de nuestras bolsas. Lo de perder peso es sencillo. Se trata de no comer mas de lo necesario. El que come mas de lo que su cuerpo requiere, aumenta de peso. El que gasta mas de lo que gana pronto se ve en quiebra. Es lo mismo amigos. Como comprobarlo? Vean ustedes las fotos de todo aquel desdichado que vive en areas donde hay muy poco que comer - partes de Africa, partes de la India, Korea del Norte, etc. Ahi no se batalla por perder peso. Porque? Porque no hay nada que comer - nada mas lo mas minimo. Es lo que yo pienso. Buena suerte.

Diets

Dieting is a touchy subject for many people. I have an opinion about diets - no matter what diet plan you are talking about, I probably disagree with it. This may sound simple-minded, but it's my honest opinion. If you eat more than you need to, you will gain weight. If you spend more than you earn, you will go broke. Same difference. As for diet plans - don't complicate your life if you want or need to lose excess pounds. Just eat less, and eat less fatty and starchy food. If you need a gimmick that will allow you to eat less, simply talk more at the table. If you talk, you will spend less time filling your mouth with food. Also, eat all the vegetables and drink all the beer (or whatever) first. It works and I can prove it. My proof is all those pictures one sees on TV of starving people in remote places where food is really scarce. Why do you think none of them are overweight? Nothing to eat. That's my best guess.

Timid Reporter interviews Queen Elizabeth

This interview took place late last month. For those of you who may not be familiar with the Timid Reporter, he is pretty ancient, having been born on July 7, 1777.

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Queen Elizabeth? I’m sorry I don’t know your last name.
QE: Don’t be sorry my dear sir, please just come in – I was expecting you – my attendants will show you where to situate yourself.
TR: Thank you. I smell Jasmine tea.
QE: You have a good nose for tea?
TR: Yes, but I prefer beer.
QE: Oh, my goodness. Well, we can serve you a nice English ale if you’d like.
TR: I like Corona Light.
QE: What is that?
TR: A popular Mexican beer.
QE: I’m afraid we wouldn’t have anything like that in the cellar.
TR: I’ll have the ale but just dilute it with a little water please.
QE: That would be sacrilegious, sir - don’t you think?
TR: To me, nothing is sacrilegious.
QE: Oh my.
TR: Well, some Earl Grey will do fine – I’m sorry to be so much trouble.
QE: Oh, no trouble at all. I’ll have it brought right up.
TR: These are lovely paintings. I recognize several of the old Italians.
QE: You do?
TR: Yes, I used to sell canvas to some of these guys in the late seventeen hundreds.
QE: How can that be?
TR: My father and I used to peddle art supplies up and down Tuscany in old Italy.
QE: Oh, I see.
TR: I never suspected their pictures would end up here.
QE: We’re the only ones who can afford them.
TR: Yes, of course. Do you think the aristocracy is in any danger of being shut down?
QE: I beg your pardon – that is an impertinent question.
TR: Sorry – I don’t even know why I asked it.
QE: I’m not really prepared to speak on such a topic.
TR: Can we talk about the rest of the royals?
QE: Well, that depends.
TR: How about Prince Charles?
QE: Him we can talk about – he’s been such a disappointment.
TR: Can I print that?
QE: Oh, no, absolutely not. You may not print any part of this little chat – I was informed it would all be off the record for now.
TR: So, when could I run it?
QE: Twenty years after I pass on.
TR: Ok, that’s fine with me.
QE: So, where were we?
TR: Prince Charles....
QE: Oh, yes. As it turns out, he has gone against my wishes so many times and he’s been dreadfully wrong every time. I have gotten accustomed to it I suppose. Otherwise, I’d be dead from all the ensuing turmoil.
TR: Were you against the marriage to Diana?
QE: Oh, of course, from the very beginning. I very much preferred Abigail.
TR: Abigail?
QE: She was a girl nobody knew about – even the tabloids didn’t know. I really should not speak about it. She was ten years older than Charles, so she was just perfect. It’s so unfortunate he had to go after that spoiled little girl. In the days of Henry VIII, she wouldn’t have given us any trouble at all.
TR: I know what you mean. Is there anything you ever wished you could have done – things you couldn’t do because you were the Queen of England?
QE: Oh, yes, many things.
TR: Such as...?
QE: Well, I always wanted to wear a very short mini skirt.
TR: Really?
QE: I have very nice legs, you know.
TR: I wish I had brought my camera.
QE: Oh, no, no. It’s much too late for that now, if you know what I mean.
TR: Yes, of course.
QE: One thing troubles me about you.
TR: Yes?
QE: You do not address me as “your majesty.” It is only proper you know.
TR: I’m half Gypsy – we don’t care about such things.
QE: So, where did you get your golden hair?
TR: I’m half Austrian.
QE: How very unusual. Do you know how that happened?
TR: Yes, it’s very simple. My father is Austrian and my mother was a Gypsy from Italy.
QE: And how did they happen to meet?
TR: Well, my mother was travelling with a band of Gypsies in the Northern part of Italy when the Austrians decided to invade. My father was in the army and the two groups sort of collided. That’s the short version.
QE: It sounds so romantic.
TR: My father claims he was seduced.
QE: That’s always the case is it not?
TR: I don’t know – I’ve never been seduced.
QE: Yes you have, you just weren’t aware of it.
TR: Well, in that case, I’ve been seduced quite a few times. What’s that hanging by the mirror?
QE: That’s a Stradivarius violin.
TR: I thought I recognized it. That’s my father’s old fiddle. It was stolen quite a few years ago when we were in Venice. Who sold it to you?
QE: Charles brought it back with him when he travelled to Paris many years ago. He was just seventeen years old. He never said anything about it being stolen.
TR: Not to worry – your secret is safe with me – I won’t even tell my father.
QE: Sir, you are a true gentleman. I am grateful to you.
TR: No problem ma’am. I know it would just cause another scandal. It has been delightful meeting you.
QE: Thank you, sir. I’ll have you driven to the palace gate in my Bentley.

Education

Education is much more about learning than about teaching. The responsibility for educating children and young adults has, for a long, long time been placed on the wrong shoulders. Good students - not good faculties - make for good schools. Look at how careful the top schools are about selecting their candidates for admission. If you don't believe that the student is the key, simply make a list of the most outstanding government leaders, scientists, artists, writers, business people, and clergy that you can think of. As an example, let's say Washington, Lincoln, Edison, Einstein, Bach, Beethoven, Van Gogh, Picasso, Shakespeare, Hemingway, Andrew Carnegie, Bill Gates, Martin Luther, and the Dalai Lama. (Compile your own list and put a hundred names on it if you like.) Ok, now, list the names of their teachers next to them!!! It simply can't be done!!!! Teachers are not irrelevant, but learning really comes from the student - not the teacher. Nobody can spoon feed you your education.

John McCain interview

(NOTE: This interview was conducted in February of this year.)

We are happy to report that our shy but intrepid Timid Reporter© located Senator McCain’s entourage in Ohio, where he was able to negotiate a four-minute interview. As always, any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is strictly coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Senator McCain?
JM: You want me to state my name for the record? Of course I’m Senator McCain. Who did you think I was?
TR: I’m sorry. I was taught to always make sure and verify.
JM: I didn’t mean to snap at you but right now is not a good time to be trying my patience.
TR: I understand. I’m sorry I had to ask that question.
JM: Well, make yourself comfortable in that easy chair by the table and let’s get started – I still have lots to do today.
TR: Yes sir. My first question is about the story in The New York Times….
JM: You know, I had a press conference about that this morning so I’m not going to get into that again. My wife was right there with me, too. Get the real story from my press office. I will say this much: if anything, that dastardly article proves that I’m at least a little bit conservative; otherwise, The New York Times wouldn’t be coming after me.
TR: Yes sir. I noticed from the photos that your wife is taller than you….
JM: No, she’s not – she wears high heels.
TR: I forgot about that. Sorry.
JM: You know, you people from the press always have to find something to pick at. There have been so many profiles done of me since the last campaign and I don’t remember more than two or three that I liked. There’s too much negativity. Let people be who they are and don’t criticize their shoelaces. Look at the real man is what I’m saying.
TR: What about Senator Clinton?
JM: It’s a figure of speech, my friend.
TR: Sorry. If the election were next week, who would you prefer to be running against?
JM: Nobody. No, no, seriously, either one will be fine. Senator Obama is a master of stating the obvious. He can relate the story of the three little pigs and make it sound like grand opera, but the story will be the same – we already know it. As for Senator Clinton, she takes direction from Bill and everybody knows that, too. If Bill were to step out of the picture, she would be a formidable opponent, but that’s between you and me – don’t print it. We certainly don’t want to give them any ideas.
TR: No sir. I won’t print it.
JM: Fine.
TR: Regarding your opinion of the C.I.A. and the torture of detainees…?
JM: I have made it very clear in all my position papers that, in principle, I am against torture. Torture, if it’s to be used at all, should be done as humanely as possible.
TR: I understand that you have personal experience in that regard?
JM: You must have read my book.
TR: Yes sir.
JM: I don’t want to relive painful memories, but that’s a distinction I can draw between myself and my worthy opponents – they were never prisoners of war. They can’t say “been there, done that.” I love America and the American people. I love our Constitution. I love our traditions. We have gotten into a mode of sort of resting on our laurels.
TR: I don’t know what you mean.
JM: Americans have accomplished great things in and for the world. Sometimes we’ve been too nice in our diplomacy - in sharing our know-how, in our foreign aid, etc. We have reason to be proud, yes. However, we need to keep going, and, under my leadership, we will.
TR: You mean, like going to Mars?
JM: I’d rather leave that up to our scientists, but that illustrates my point about sharing. Right around the fifties, we started to develop technologies that changed history forever – nuclear weapons, jets, atomic submarines, stealth bombers, cell phones, computers, the internet, antibiotics, Teflon, hula hoops, you-name-it. What happened to all those inventions? We shared them with other countries and soon, they were manufacturing the same products more cheaply. I’m not saying the global economy is bad, but we need to keep our edge. I have recently heard that the Russians have developed a silent atomic weapon.
TR: A silent bomb? How can that be?
JM: Beats me, but imagine one of those going off next to you. You wouldn’t even know it. It’s like our Stealth bombers – you don’t see them until they’re right on top of you.
TR: You have been criticized for your stand on immigration issues.
JM: I’m glad you brought that up. I think my sponsorship of that legislation cost me dearly and confused a lot of my supporters. That’s what I get for listening to Kennedy.
TR: So, you changed your mind?
JM: No, I did not. I decided to leave that issue alone until after the election.
TR: Oh.
JM: You see, I practice what I would call a humanistic conservatism. I am a Republican first and foremost, absolutely. I believe in limited government and individual initiative and all that. Certainly I do. I also see the needs of other human beings - people in dire straits. We need to strike a balance between our need for security, our commitment to the rule of law, and practical solutions. I don’t want to feel straight-jacketed about this.
TR: I see what you mean…any thoughts on the economy?
JM: I think that’s a moot issue. The economy will right itself by November. In the meantime, my advice to my fellow Americans is to take all their money out of the market and put it in bonds. My wife did.
TR: Thank you sir. You have been very gracious.
JM: Thank you for keeping this short.