Accountability? hahaha

From an investor newsletter - don't ask me which one - there are so many: "After receiving hundreds of billions of dollars in taxpayer-funded federal bailout money, the biggest U.S. banks say they can’t track how that money is being spent. Some of the banks are outright refusing to discuss the matter, a new study has found." Isn't this attitude just like the one that got us in this fine mess to begin with? Where's the government when you need it? Where is that famous bully pulpit I keep hearing about? Who is accountable? Hello? PLEASE. That photo shows a pressed wood violin. That's what the financial system is now made of - PRESSED WOOD. It used to be OAK.

Who knew??

A Congressional hearing into the workings of the S.E.C. is scheduled soon. People want to know how it was the S.E.C. failed to heed warnings about scammers on Wall Street. Were these smart people just duped??? I don't think so. I believe they chose to look the other way, just like Enron's auditors. Remember them (Arthur Anderson.)? Remember the Kansas City building inspectors and the New York City building inspectors who ignored problems in structures that later failed? Same thing. I once asked a CPA friend how it was that Mexico enjoyed such a high level of corruption in government if the books were audited? His response: "The auditors are in on it." OBVIOUSLY. This woman is looking the other way, but I'm pretty sure she's not an auditor.

They own us

From Yahoo! News: Dec. 29 (Bloomberg) – “The global recession is re-exposing fissures in U.S.-China relations that Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson spent more than two years smoothing over. Heightened tensions between China and the U.S. may worsen a contraction in world trade that already threatens to deepen and prolong the economic downturn. The friction comes as President-elect Barack Obama readies a two-year stimulus package worth as much as $850 billion that will require the U.S. to borrow more than ever from China, the largest buyer of Treasury securities.” Tell me something I don’t already know. I said this was the situation two months ago. I think Bloomberg is stealing from my blog!!!! Please. No matter what, the woman at left is optimistic. You can tell by the hemline.

I.O.U.S.A. what???

From an ad I recently read: "At last, here's how you can own the award-winning I.O.U.S.A. documentary FREE on DVD... over a month before it's even available to the general public! It's my gift to you, and it's also just the beginning of what you'll get in our new "Emergency 'Personal Bailout' Bundle" — also FREE — which shows you... What a sham the bailout is, how we got here, and what happened to the America we used to know. How to rescue your retirement with up to 78 personal "bailout" checks instead, paid direct to your account over the next 24 months. And how to salvage the financial security of your children, your grandchildren and America itself." So, you think this is free??? Nope. Nothing is free. If you follow the ad until the very end - it is extremely long and wordy and repetitive and wordy and long (written for persons who have nothing better to do), you will discover that you will be pitched a report on how to get out from having to pay taxes to support the government. If you don't pay taxes, how will that salvage the financial security of America? It is sad and funny at the same time. I don't see the girl on the left laughing. She is sort of asking something like "What's all this about?"

Lesson learned?

From an investor advisory letter: “A lot of people are wondering if there is anything at all good that will come from the financial crisis. Call me naïve if you like or even an eternal optimist, but I think so, beginning with the following: A regulatory overhaul leading to pro-active regulation: With regard to the financial markets, I believe that we will see new mechanisms designed to monitor problems before they get out of control. Some of that will include more transparent valuations and mark-to-market rules, but the lion's share will likely focus on the credit extension problems that have largely created this mess on a variety of levels. What's more, history suggests these changes will stand in stark contrast to Alan Greenspan's repeated refusals to crack down on sub-prime lending practices and his hesitation to impose regulations on derivatives that have figured so prominently in the current meltdown.” I disagree – I think people will always be greedy and irresponsible. In the meantime, Greenspan sits comfortably in his easy chair. Despite his old age, he is not wise. The woman at left probably has no opinion on the matter – she is simply waiting for us to act responsibly, PLEASE.

Hank Paulson interview

Before we start, I must give you a little background (what little I know) about Hank Paulson. He socializes very little, he is an environment enthusiast, he has many, many, many friends in high places in China, and he is obsessed with snakes. The lady in the red wig has nothing to do with Paulson, I just put her there because I wanted to. She looks as if she has no clue where she's going but I bet she does. The wig is probably from the dollar store. As always, any similarity between the person being interviewed and/or any current events is strictly coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Hank Paulson?
HP: Yes sir, and you must be Mr. Quan?
TR: No, I’m with the Coffee Club Newsletter.
HP: Where’s Mr. Quan?
TR: I don’t know.
HP: So, why are you here in his place?
TR: I’m not taking his place – I’m here to do an interview with you.
HP: Oh, you’re that other guy. Do you care at all about global warming?
TR: May I come in?
HP: Only if you promise we’ll discuss climate change and the environment.
TR: We can discuss whatever you want to discuss.
HP: Step right this way.
TR: Wow, this looks like a greenhouse.
HP: It is.
TR: I’ve never seen so many indoor plants before.
HP: Wait ‘til you see the snakes.
TR: Snakes? How many snakes?
HP: Twenty six, but they are not all here – some we keep in the bedrooms.
TR: Oh.
HP: I know them all by name.
TR: One for each letter of the alphabet.
HP: How did you guess?
TR: I’m just good at guessing. How do you tell them apart?
HP: They’ve been in the family a number of years – after a while you just recognize them. It’s like telling your dollar bills apart. They’re all the same but they’re all different. There comes Chrimata now from under that fern.
TR: Chrimata?
HP: It’s the Greek word for “money.”
TR: I should have guessed.
HP: And Fiduciary is right behind her. Isn’t he cute?
TR: To me, they’re just snakes.
HP: You have a lot to learn. Let’s sit down in my study.
TR: Can I have a Corona Light?
HP: Sure. That’s my favorite beer - another lucky guess?
TR: No. I just like the way it tastes. I’m glad you have it in the house – even Buckingham Palace doesn’t stock it.
HP: You’ve been there?
TR: I interviewed the Queen.
HP: Sure you did.
TR: I don’t tell lies.
HP: You must be the only one on the planet.
TR: No, my father too.
HP: Really? And where might he be from?
TR: Austria, but he’s in the Himalayas right now.
HP: …doing?
TR: Collecting bark from an old tree.
HP: Is he a researcher, an environmental scientist?
TR: No, he needs it to stay alive.
HP: Is he ill?
TR: Not at all. He’s just really old. He will soon be 2000.
HP: 2000 years old?
TR: Yes.
HP: You know, I’ve been around a lot of bankers and finance people and business people almost all my life…
TR: Yes, I know.
HP: …I have learned to read them pretty well – perfectly, in fact. Even by the slightest inflection in their speech – I can tell when they’re trying to sell me the Brooklyn Bridge. Your story sounds very convincing – you’re either the world’s best liar or you’re telling me the absolute truth.
TR: Well, to me, it doesn’t matter at all what you think about me.
HP: You must not need any tips on the stock market.
TR: I just do interviews and take pictures whenever my camera is working.
HP: I can see you’re a simple man. You’re good for the environment.
TR: May I ask you about the financial collapse?
HP: Being that you’re a true environmentalist, you may ask me whatever you like.
TR: Thank you. My readers would like to know if the bailout money will really work to turn the economy around.
HP: No, of course it won’t. I had to find a way to protect my Asian friends from any defaults. That’s what that was about, not anything else. I know I’ve been criticized for being close to Wall Street, but everyone is close to something, no?
TR: Weren’t you partly responsible for the elimination of the net capital rule in 2004 - the thing that led to the credit crisis?
HP: Sure, sure, but let me tell you what that was about. When I was in the private sector, I lobbied hard against being overly regulated by the government. That’s all true. My mistake was in thinking that everybody in the investment business, when granted more freedom by the Feds, would act responsibly. Instead, they acted like thugs. They really let me down. I was in charge at Goldman Sachs and we stayed clear of the greediness and all those sham securities. That’s why it’s the only firm that survived. All those people who are now criticizing me don’t have a clue.
TR: May I print that?
HP: No, not all of it.
TR: Ok. What about John Ehrlichman?
HP: Who is he?
TR: He used to be your boss under Nixon?
HP: Oh, yes, I forgot. Some things just never go away, do they?
TR: You were almost caught up in Watergate.
HP: That was in 1972 – almost four decades ago. I was just a kid. John Dean cautioned me to keep away from the whole mess and I resented him for it because I wanted to get in on the action. He was a real snake.
TR: But, he saved your reputation.
HP: Without meaning to.
TR: Didn’t you later give him a job as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs?
HP: No. I simply suggested to him that he go into banking – it was a perfect fit. The industry is full of weasels and snitches, you know.
TR: Maybe you’ve had too much beer?
HP: Don’t you want another Corona?
TR: I’m beginning to hear noises in my ears.
HP: Oh, don’t worry. They’re coming from my playroom next door. I have a collection of over a hundred ticker tape machines in there – the kind that every stock broker used to have. At precisely the same time every day, they start whirring away. I love those old machines. They were the internet of the old, old days.
TR: I remember them, of course. You know them all by name?
HP: No.
TR: When did you become concerned about the environment?
HP: When I learned that we were about to run out of oil. The next big money makers will be wind power generation and solar energy.
TR: What do you think is the ultimate power source?
HP: Washington politics.
TR: What about the people?
HP: If I’ve learned anything in the last fifty years, it’s that if you give people something to eat and something to talk about, they’re happy. 98 percent of them don’t even know who I am.
TR: But what about unemployment?
HP: Well, that won’t really become a problem unless it hits 50 percent. We may see a couple of riots here and there but I have set aside 997 billion for that worst-case scenario. Be that as it may, my private jet is on standby to take me and my family to Brazil on a moment’s notice.
TR: Do you have another residence there?
HP: Well, I really doubt that the Coffee Club would be interested in that but, for the record; we’ll just be doing a little environmental research near Rio. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a new species. I’m going to grab another beer and lie down, if you don’t mind.
TR: Thank you Mr. Paulson.
HP: Thank you, Mr. Quan.